I am really struggling with a difficult decision. I love my job. I cannot deny that I have an amazing opportunity. An opportunity to give the pains and trauma I have faced meaning. I am extremely grateful to those who have stood by me as I caused them pain after pain. I am also grateful to those who helped me see that my life could take an all together different direction. I know I am in this position for a reason and I think that is why I am struggling with the feelings I am having at the moment.
So here is my dilemma. When does one say enough is enough? My entire existence has revolved around the heartache of being violated. For so long I was stuck in that victim mind set and when I clawed my way out of it I felt wonderful but because part of my job is to identify with the pain of others I never have had the opportunity to just put my pain away. I will never forget that pain but I would like to just neatly fold it and put it in the drawer. Free to be taken out when necessary on occasion but not constantly dangled on front of me.
I want so much to just be creative and happy and not have to constantly be reminded of those dark dark years. Is it wrong of me to feel this way? I could really use some input from people I trust.
