Crossing My Fingers!

My job interview yesterday went great. If I get the job it means that I will no longer be on social security disability. I promised myself when I went on disability that I would not be on it longer than 2 years. For awhile there I didn't think I was going to be able to stick to that but things are finally looking up for me.

The position is with Step by Step Inc. which runs the housing program where I have lived since October. My job would be Resident Manager in my building. I would be responsible for light maintenence, keeping the common areas clean and peer support for my fellow tenants. Step by Step will put me through the necessary training including peer support, conflict resolution, etc. Also I will get free rent, pay for 40 hrs/wk + over time, medical benefits, 401k, and life insurance. It is considered an entry level position and they hire from within so if I get the job it could lead to a career in psychology. The best part is that all of the negative experiences in my life have prepared me for exactly this. The pain I have suffered over the years is finally paying off. How many people can say that?

Orange Blossom Special/ Jackson w/ Piggy

Okay this is the last one I swear. This one is for Mom.

Johnny Cash & Miss Piggy.

Mommas don't let your babies grow up to be cowboys.

I can't resist this one. This is for my big brother Dan and my buddy Heath.

performed by Merle Hagard, Willie Nelson, Johnny Cash & Kris Kristoferson.

Ghost Riders in the Sky

This is great. Performed by Willie Nelson & Johnny Cash but if you watch closely you will also see Merle Hagard & Kris Kristoferson in there.

Animal!

I am sooooo easily amused.

I almost peed myself watching this one.

The sun is shining and birds are chirping.

I just wanted to let everyone know that I am doing much better. Since being taken to the ER a couple of weeks ago, where I was prescribed a medication called Cogentin which is used to treat symptoms of Parkinsons & side effects of certain psychiatric medications, my muscle spasms are completely gone. I can sit, stand, walk, and lay down without any discomfort. And the best part is that it does not effect my emotional well being. There are so many things I want to do now.

When I get paid in April I am registering to take a CPR certification class. I let my certification lapse a few years ago because I was no longer working but it is time to get back on track. I am also looking into volunteering at a crisis hotline or at the local hospital. On top of that the building I am living in is being turned into housing which means that there will no longer be counselors that check in on us so they will be needing a resident manager. I have already notified them that I am interested and I am sending them my updated resume. If I get the position then I will be moved downstairs to the single apartment. I am very excited about all the possibilities. Wish me luck. Love Vj

Say hello to my little friend!

This is my new pet Fred. My roommate picked him up at the thrift store.

My Apartment!

I finally got batteries for my camera so I now I have pictures of my apartment.

Welcome to my humble abode.

Family Room

Family Room

Dining Room

My tiny kitchen.

My Room

My Buffy & Angel Collection

#1: Spike Action Figure

#2: Oz, Buffy & Giles Action Figures

#3: 12" Subway Spike Doll

#4: Lego Halloween Pack (includes Willow, Xander, Buffy & Cordelia)

Top: "Once More with Feeling" Dawn

Bottom: "School Hard" Spike

Buffy the Vampire Slayer T-shirt

The only thing that is missing is my life sized card board stand-up of Spike. Mom stored it away in the basement somewhere and can't find it. I know I'm a dork. Proud of it!

Happy Birthday MountainRunnerMike!

I love you Big Brother!

Comes the Dawn

I wrote this back in the 7th grade and just found the notebook.

Comes the Dawn

Every day you learn,
the subtle difference between,
holding a hand and chaining a soul,
you learn that kisses aren't contracts,
and presents aren't promises.
And you learn to accept your defeats,
with your head up and your eyes open,
with the grace of a woman,
not the greif of a child.
And you learn to build all your roads today,
because tomorrows ground is to uncertain for plans,
and futures have a way of falling down in mid flight.
You learn that even sunshine burns if you get too much,
So you plant your own garden,
and decorate your own soul,
instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers.
And you learn that you really are strong,
and you really have worth,
And you learn and learn,
with every good-bye you learn.



It has taken me almost 20 years to believe that I am strong and have worth but I am finally there.

Charity never faileth

This is a great message.

This cracked me up.

I couldn't stop laughing at this.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gLHrk7-IaSo

and this one is Mom's favorite.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_OBlgSz8sSM

Come what may and Love it!

Some of you may have noticed that I am addicted to Youtube. I was just browsing through videos today and I came across this and was brought to tears.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tVNYhcYEwIE


Never have I felt Heavenly Fathers presence stronger in my life than I have today.

A reason to smile!

First I want to thank everyone for thier support and love while I have been struggling with my medical problems. Yesterday was a breakthrough day for me. I was in absolute misery to the point that Ihad to call for an ambulance to take me to the ER. The muscle spasms were to the point that I was barely able to dress myself. I was having trouble catching my breath and had to struggle between spasms to answer the doctors questions. He was so patient and understanding. He was absolutely apalled that my doctors were dismissing my condition as anxiety. He asked if anyone had tried a medication called cogentin. I explained that they hadn't tried anything, so he gave me a shot. It took awhile to kick in but after about an hour the muscle pain and tension just seemed to melt away. He released me with a script for the same medication to be taken by mouth. I woke up this morning feeling almost completely free of muscle pain and spasms. I was actually able to ride in the car without any discomfort. I just looked up cogentin on WebMD. Turns out it is used to treat symptoms of Parkinsons and muscle spasms as a side effect from certain psychiatric medications. Now I wish someone could explain to me why none of the neurologists or psychiatrists could think of this when it only took one ER doctor who has never met me before to figure it out. I am soooooo excited. My life has been in a holding pattern for so long because of this and now my mind is racing with the possibilities that my future holds. One of my counselors has asked me if I want to participate in a peer counseling program. She wants me to share how I have managed to overcome my depression and PTSD (post traumatic stress disorder). It is amazing to me that just yesterday I was convinced that I was being punished and that God must hate me and just when I was ready to give up and couldn't take anymore He lets me know that he does love me and gives me a reason to hope.

"I used everything you gave me"

When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left, and could say, "I used everything you gave me". --Erma Bombeck

Miranda's Secret Garden

by Vicky Jo Nuss

I touch the fire

I just can't seem to shake this funk I am in. I am trying to think of happy things and all that seems to come to memory is mistakes and people i've hurt. Some of you may know about my little obsession with the show Buffy the Vampire Slayer. Some of you may also know that there was a musical episode. Well, the lyrics from one of the songs just keeps running through my head. It goes "I touch the fire and it freezes me. I look into it and it's black. Why can't I feel? My skin should crack and peel. I want the fire back." It pretty much sums up how I am feeling. I know that my family loves me and I know I have a purpose but I am really struggling with my medical problems. None of the doctors seem to know what is going on. They all dismiss it as anxiety. If one more Dr. tells me to meditate I'm going to slap them. If I am anxious it is as a result of the tremor and muscle pain not the cause. My family PCP has referred me to a pain specialist. I dont really see how that will help but I'm going along with it in the hopes that if someone can see the lack of muscle control over an extended period of time they will have an idea of what is happening. It is keeping me from doing anything useful. I have tried to take my brothers suggestion and get out of the house. I can't run but I have tried to go for walks. I have managed to walk to the CVS two blocks away but barely. It is embarrassing. The best way I can explain it is it's kind of like restless leg syndrome but the entire body. If I try to sit and talk with someone I have to get back up. I can't sit still. Even as I am typing this I am standing. I stand, dance, or walk all day until it's time for bed. And then I usually just pass out from exhaustion and crying. I am trying so hard to stay positive but I feel like I am fighting a losing battle. Sorry for the rant. Love Vj

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=isJ9qbVelGI

p.s. speaking of fire. The guy downstairs set off the fire alarm so I just spent 20 minutes out in the snow storm so now I am just annoyed.