Mmmmm Cherry Cobler!

I am taking a short break from writing my novel and am making a cherry cobbler.

I have been craving it for weeks but needed to buy the corningwear to make it. I am slowly getting my little apartment set up. It is taking some time because I dont have an income right now but it's getting there. I am having fun pretending to be domestic. When I get things how I want them I will post some pictures.

Lucky Me!

I'm just sitting here trying to distract myself from the issues I have going by reading the blogs of my family members and I have to say that I am the luckiest person ever. I have the coolest people in my family. I find myself glowing with pride to be a Fitzsimmons. I hope all of you know how much I love you.

The ipod shuffle

I got this off facebook from Matt Osmond. Try it it's fun.

You need to copy/paste this into your own facebook note, delete my answers, and answer the questions using your own ipod.
1. put the ipod on shuffle
2. use it to answer the question
3. hit “next”
4. don't cheat
5. tag some of your friends so they'll do the same.

1. How am I feeling today?
No one is to blame- Howard Jones
2. How far will I get in life?
Take a chance on me- Erasure
3. What is my best friend’s theme song?
Ode to the sun- Dredg
4. What was high school like?
Your body is a wonderland- John Mayer
6. What is in store for me this weekend?
The Noose- A perfect circle (scary)
7. What is the best thing about me?
Heartbreaker- Pat Benatar
8. What song is about my parents?
Trynna Finda way- Nelly Furtado
9. How is my life going?
Beautiful Girl- INXS
10. What song will they play at my funeral?
In your Eyes- Peter Gabriel
11. How does the world see me?
The River- Live
12. What do my friends think of me?
She will be loved- Maroon5
13. Do people secretly think I’m good looking?
If I Never see your face- Maroon5
14. How can I make myself happy?
Heartache Tonight- Eagles
15. What should I do with my life?
Maneater- Nelly Furtado (too funny)
16. What is some good advice?
Magdelena- A perfect circle
17. Will I get married?
Say it right- Nelly Furtado
18. Where will I go in life?
Hit me with your best shot- Pat Benatar
19. Will I have kids?
Everything is everything- Lauren Hill
20. What is my current theme song?
Bug Eyes- Dredg (this one actually makes sense if you listen to the song)

Need to whine a little

For those of you who have been following this you already know that I have been struggling with some medical problems. When I was discharged from the hospital last week it was with the hope that the tremors or muscle spasms were the result of being on benzodiazapines like ativan for years and that going off them would eventually mean that those tremors would go away. I am trying to stay positive but I am afraid I am losing hope. I am exhausted, in pain and just want to rest. I've found that if I sit or lay down I am more aware of the pain so I just try to keep moving. I listen to music and I dance or pace the floor. I'm sure that i'm getting on my new roommates nerves but even as I am writing this I am standing and moving around anxiously. The only relief is when I take my meds at night and I cry myself to sleep only to wake up so stiff that I cant lift my head. I have to slowly rock myself to get up the momentum to get out of bed and then i'm up for rest of the day. I dont see my doctor until next week and even then I dont know if she will have any answers for me. I'm just hoping that she will have some kind of solution and if not I have to find I way to cope. My knee jerk reaction is to reach for the ativan but it was causing my depression so that isn't an option. It was the easy answer and I am proof that easy answers aren't necessarily the best answers. It's alot like what drug addicts experience when trying to get clean. After years of numbing everything emotions feel vibrant, real, and sometimes harsh but I would rather feel everything than feel nothing and be empty. I just wish I could rest a little.