Grieve the child & embrace the woman.

I never knew this kind of happiness existed.
I used to see glimmers of it in the eyes of others
and yet it continually eluded me,
I never dreamed that happiness could belong to me.
I numbed my pain with pills.
I gave up over & over again,
failing at life and at love,
and then when the fight had left me
and the darkness kept me from seeing the truths before me,
I found it.
Not on the lips of others,
And not in their cold embrace,
but in the simplicity and clarity that,
forgiving ones self can bring.
I gave myself permission to live and to love
and to experience peace.
I grieved and let go of the child in pain
And wrapped my arms around the woman
capable of being loved.
Then and only then did love find me.
6/7/09