I wonder sometimes if I am where I am supposed to be...and then the universe gives me a gentle reminder (sometimes not so gentle) that everything I have lived through has led me here and I wouldn't have it any other way. All the pain and heartache is now opening doors that just months ago were all locked and barricaded. Now and then I find myself entertaining the idea of going to school for something like graphic design or photography and then something happens as if to say "NO THAT IS NOT YOUR PATH".
In my job I get to meet and work with some of the coolest people. My fellow employees leave me in awe. Their devotion and dedication to the people they serve seems to be unending. But it is not just the employees that inspire me. On a daily basis I see people who have lost everything, people who from their first breath in this life were handed a raw deal, people who have every right to just give up and let their sorrows swallow them whole and for no apparent reason they wake up each morning and face the world that has so often beaten them down . . . and they smile.
There is just such a person in my building. A woman who in her later years of life lost everything and when she thought there was no more she could lose she lost more. This month is the anniversary of losing her mother, her father and every single earthly possession that all of us take for granted. Now take a second and think about that for a minute. When we lose a loved one it is of course difficult but we go on. Part of what helps us go on is that we have reminders of our loved ones around us.
Things we attach memories to. Imagine not only losing a loved one who cared for us and showered us with love but also losing every semblance of our life with that person and going from feeling safe and secure to living in a shelter with just the clothes on your back. Every thing that your life was, is now gone.
I cannot imagine the strength it must take for her to wake up in the morning. So, I find myself in a unique position. How do you teach someone to cope with the anger of losing so much. I do not want to take her anger away or make her feel bad for being angry. She has every right to be angry and anger is a very important part of the grieving process. I think the trick is to recognize that strong emotions like anger produce a lot of energy and if pointed in the right direction they can be great motivators in making positive changes in life but only if they are given a path. We are often taught in our society that anger is a negative thing and should be squashed down but when we do this all of that energy gets bottled up like heat in a corked up Vesuvius. If you let it, it will destroy you and very possibly those around you.
And that is exactly what happened. Vesuvius erupted.
Turns out all she needed was someone to talk to and a way to let off some steam. The things that she has gone through may be very different than mine but the emotions are very much the same. So, I thought to myself, when I am angry and restless what do I do to cope? I meditate and listen to music. So I made her some meditation CDs and some music and referred her to a great therapist. I know that seems like a very “simple” solution and it isn’t the cure all but it is more than what she started with and is a step in the right direction. She loves the meditations I gave her. She says she is sleeping better and feels calmer and more relaxed. I can’t help but feel like I did something good.
