Need to whine a little

For those of you who have been following this you already know that I have been struggling with some medical problems. When I was discharged from the hospital last week it was with the hope that the tremors or muscle spasms were the result of being on benzodiazapines like ativan for years and that going off them would eventually mean that those tremors would go away. I am trying to stay positive but I am afraid I am losing hope. I am exhausted, in pain and just want to rest. I've found that if I sit or lay down I am more aware of the pain so I just try to keep moving. I listen to music and I dance or pace the floor. I'm sure that i'm getting on my new roommates nerves but even as I am writing this I am standing and moving around anxiously. The only relief is when I take my meds at night and I cry myself to sleep only to wake up so stiff that I cant lift my head. I have to slowly rock myself to get up the momentum to get out of bed and then i'm up for rest of the day. I dont see my doctor until next week and even then I dont know if she will have any answers for me. I'm just hoping that she will have some kind of solution and if not I have to find I way to cope. My knee jerk reaction is to reach for the ativan but it was causing my depression so that isn't an option. It was the easy answer and I am proof that easy answers aren't necessarily the best answers. It's alot like what drug addicts experience when trying to get clean. After years of numbing everything emotions feel vibrant, real, and sometimes harsh but I would rather feel everything than feel nothing and be empty. I just wish I could rest a little.